And keep it. And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, ‘You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, you shall not eat. For in the day that you eat of it, you shall surely die.’ Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him.
Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature that was its name, the man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam, there was not found a helper fit for him.
So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man. And while he slept, took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man, he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, ‘This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man.
Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
From Genesis, we turn to Ephesians chapter 5, beginning at verse 22. Paul writes, ‘Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior.’ Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.
Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I’m saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment with a promise, that it may go well with you, and that you may live long in the land.
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. This is the word of the Lord. Thanks be to God.
Let us pray. Heavenly Father, you give us your word for instruction to train us up in the ways of righteousness. And you have shown us how we ought to live and how we are intended to be by grace and in your original and final intentions. Help us to hear you speak and help us to live obediently to your intention and for your purposes always.
We pray this in Jesus name. Amen.
So, the second question concerning gender that we’ll consider using covenant theology relates to the subject of gender roles in the godly family. The three questions we’ll use to discern a faithful biblical application are what relational obligations has the Lord placed upon us through the covenant of works to help us live as men and women in a manner that honors him and obeys his word and divine intent?
How may we faithfully respond to the Lord’s mercy that has been given to us through his covenant of grace in all of our family relationships within the church? And how may we faithfully respond to God’s mercy that has been given to us through the covenant of grace in all of our different relationships outside of the church?
But before we examine scripture about this, we should address two terms that have become confused in our contemporary culture. Terms that have become separated and changed from their historic meaning and use. Those terms are sex and gender.
According to the modern Mariam Webster, sex is defined as the sum of the structural, functional, and sometimes behavioral characteristics of organisms that distinguish males and females. And gender is defined as the behavioral, cultural, or psychological traits typically associated with one’s sex.
See, the world separates these two along the lines of form and function versus social qualities. And the worldly understanding of gender is one that is expected to be fluid, changeable, and inconstant. Although the world’s understanding of sex is based on form and function, it still argues for the premise that sex is changeable through works of reconstructive surgery.
But we must remember, however, that whenever the biblical perspective and worldly perspective are in opposition to one another, the one that Christians need to rely upon most and apply is the one that is taught in scripture. Scripture does not distinguish between the ideas of sex and gender. They are synonymous in their application. Function and form are indivisibly related to social roles and activity.
That is the Lord’s design, and the immutability, the unchangeableness of a person’s sex and gender is as clear within scripture as is the distinctive uniqueness of both male and female persons. Beginning back near the beginning, the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone, and I will make a helper fit for him.’
See, there’s two key points here regarding our humanity. First, God said it’s not good for us to be alone. He never intended for us to be solitary creatures. We were created to be in relationships with other people.
And we know that we were created to be in community with other human persons because when the Lord brought every type of creature to Adam to be named, there was not found a helper fit for him. As wonderful as it is for many of us, there is something important and necessary that is lacking in animal companionship. There is something missing that we still need.
Second, God chose to make an appropriate helper for Adam. The Lord knew he needed help even when Adam did not know it yet. God did not expect Adam to do everything alone by himself. The Hebrew word translated as helper is Ezar, a term which describes someone who provides aid and assistance.
This characterizes the purposeful role of woman as the natural complement for a man. A helper encourages the one they help. They strengthen the one they help. The helper makes the other better by their addition and makes them less with their absence. They help identify details which may have been missed by the ones they help. They help identify and correct errors or mistakes made by the one they help.
Being described as a helper, along with the fact that Eve was formed from Adam’s rib and that in the marital union they become one flesh, leads us to interpret woman’s divine purpose as to complete man and together represent the human whole. We were created male and female so as to fill in the gaps of the other. Therefore, we only achieve our human completeness when men and women are united together in a unity that transcends the physical union of marriage by working together in harmonious cooperation.
See, God created woman as a helper for man, but he did not do so to create or establish domineering hierarchalism. Woman was not created for a subservient or lesser role than man. Eve was not created to be Adam’s servant or his slave. However, by necessity of function, man does have an inherent temporal authority over his helper because a helper will counsel and advise the one they help.
But the nature of the relationship implies that they are not the intended decider. Being a complement works in both directions. Woman completes man, and likewise, man completes woman. As woman helps man, man must also help woman. Regardless, the reformed church has always asserted and affirmed a foundational equality between the sexes.
The famous 18th-century English Presbyterian commentator Matthew Henry describes it rather poetically, writing that the woman was made out of a rib out of the side of Adam, not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him under his arm to be protected and near his heart to be beloved.
Adam lost a rib, but without any diminution to his strength or comeliness, for doubtless, the flesh was closed without a scar. But in lieu thereof, he had a helpmeet for him, which abundantly made up his loss. What God takes away from his people, he will one way or another restore with advantage.
So you see, men and women, we share an equality of nature or type and of status within the creation as God’s image. Since the man and woman were given the dominion mandate together, the divine intention necessarily is that both should help the other in their respective work to fulfill God’s directive. Men and women are meant to work together in harmony toward our given purpose of being fruitful and multiplying and filling the earth and subduing it.
Meanwhile, all expressions of forced subordination of women by men or of any sinful abuse grounded in a false presumption of masculine superiority are the consequence of sin and the fall rather than God’s originally purposed intention. This is important for us to understand because it provides the baseline for rightly ordering our relationships since they are properly grounded in God’s establishment before Adam’s sin.
All forms of relational hierarchy and authority that is implied between the sexes and may be supported by this passage are not for the initial purpose as a helper and complement. Therefore, any masculine relational authority is naturally limited in application and scope. Men are not meant to have absolute authority over women, just as women are not meant to have absolute authority over men because we are social equals within God’s created order and we are equally made in God’s image.
But since conflict, disunity, and strife have become a consequence of Adam’s disobedience, it also stands to reason that the preservation of these divinely ordained gender roles as mutually complimentary ezers was also included in the original requirement and intent of the covenant of works.
Now, regarding the various relationships within our families and what qualities distinguish a godly one, we begin by considering what they are not so as to help us better understand what they actually are.
I mean, after a person has read the Bible a few times, it does become apparent that everything in it is not meant to be prescriptive or normal. Sometimes it does just describe things the way they were in contrast to the way God intends them to be. And one of the most terrible mistakes that a person can make when interpreting scripture is to assume that because something is in the Bible, then it must be good and right.
This becomes even worse when people think that the Bible approves of practices which are obviously sinful or are consequences of sin. That’s how things like slavery, racism, or misogyny have been historically justified. But those are abuses of God’s word.
Consider the practice of having multiple wives. Polygamy. Polygamy was a cultural practice frequently described in scripture, but it is never commanded nor approved of by God. Most examples we find create greater problems as shown in the lives of the patriarchs and kings. Abraham was rebuked by God for his lack of trust in God’s promise, a lack demonstrated by him taking Hagar as a second wife, bearing him the son, Ishmael.
And then he also suffered abuse and strife from Sarah on account of it, despite it having been her suggestion in the first place. Jacob gave his wives preferential treatment, loving Rachel more than he loved Leah. His favoritism created household strife between the women and their children.
And Solomon, his many foreign wives, they led him away from the Lord into spiritual apostasy. But Jesus reaffirmed the divine establishment of marriage between one man and one woman, an expectation that Paul took and translated into a prohibition against polygamy within godly families, declaring that a man under consideration to be an elder must be the husband of one wife.
Or consider the charge that some feminists have made against scripture claiming that it is misogynistic and anti-woman. But scripture never teaches nor does it ever support the treatment of women or children as being the property of a man.
But there are examples that display the ancient cultural practice, like Laban’s treatment of his sister Rebecca or his treatment of his daughters Rachel and Leah by practically selling them to Jacob in marriage. Laws from that ancient period, like those found in the code of Hammurabi, give insight into the ancient practice and seem to imply that outside of the church world, some women had some civil rights but their rights were fewer or statutorily subordinated to men.
But counterculturally, the Old Testament teaches that if a man dies and has no son, then you shall transfer his inheritance to his daughter, statutorily granting and affirming women’s right, their personal right to inherit and own property.
Meanwhile, Jesus and his ministry was supported by women using their own funds and personal property. The apostle Paul also affirmed the right of women to own and control their own property by his acceptance and commending the patronage of women like Lydia and Phoebe for the benefit of the church.
Again, that is why it’s so important for each person to study and know scripture for themselves, because we all need to be able to recognize and discern God’s word, discern when God’s word is being used wrongly so that we may either avoid or refute false teaching and thwart attempts to sinfully apply it against other people.
Next, we consider how the Holy Spirit expects our relationships to be within a believing family. Relationships that are redeemed, restored, and sanctified because of the covenant of grace.
Paul writes, ‘Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.’ These paired commands should be familiar to most Christian couples because they are the foundation for our traditional marriage vows. To the man we ask, ‘And will you love her as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her? Will you comfort her, honor, and cherish her and forsaking all others? Keep yourself only unto her as long as you both shall live.’
And to the woman, we ask, ‘And will you love him, comfort him, and respect and submit to him, even as the church submits to Christ, and forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto him as long as you both shall live?’
But sadly, many men have abusively chosen to overemphasize or to only remember the woman’s promise to submit to him while ignoring their own responsibility and promise to love her first.
But both commands and both promises are equally important and carry equal emphasis and force. They only become problematic in application when we fail to properly understand the qualifying statements. To love as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her means that husbands we are expected to follow Jesus’s example by loving them self-sacrificially.
Husbands are to avad and shamar for their wives. They are to work for their wives’ well-being and good benefit before their own and even at the cost of their own. They are to guard them, to protect and defend them against all enemies or attackers, whether physical or spiritual.
Loving one’s wife rightly is a man’s responsibility and a privilege. It is challenging and may oftentimes be difficult, but the benefit is worth the cost.
Meanwhile, to submit as to the Lord means that wives are expected to follow the example of the church in how it submits to, loves, honors, and obeys Jesus Christ in all things. A person’s willing submission must be grounded in respect while rightful submission only occurs when the one being submitted to justly rules through love.
Submission does not mean unquestioned or absolute obedience to unilateral commands, and a wife must not submit to abuse from her husband no matter the format. Rather, then it becomes her duty to refuse and work to preserve the welfare of herself and her family first.
Because remember, the church does not give Jesus Christ the authority to rule over us by its submission. Instead, it affirms and accepts the authority he eternally possesses as our God and King by our willing confession and active faith.
So too, the submission of a man’s wife affirms the authority that is inherent to her husband’s role as the spiritual and temporal head of the household by her consent to accept his governance. Paul does not justify the relationship of the church to Christ according to the marriage model, but rather the reverse.
What we need to understand is that the relationship between the church, the body and bride of Christ, is the true type while the human marriage relationship is its lesser type and echo because marriage both reflects and directs us back towards Christ.
Returning back to the garden and the marriage relationship between Adam and Eve, Adam did have spiritual authority as priest and prophet and temporal authority as king and covenantal head over Eve. But meanwhile, Eve’s expected submission was meant to exemplify rightly the church’s submission to Christ’s spiritual and temporal authority over the church in the world.
That’s why Paul writes, ‘The husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior.’ He argues for a wife’s obedient submission because of the divine expectation of her husband’s prior loving efforts and defense.
But sadly, some women have failed gladly to submit to their husband’s authority because they lack respect. And sadly, some men do not deserve their wife’s submission because they have failed to love them as they should. Both failures are a failure to love our neighbor as ourselves and a failure to the Lord because we are not loving someone who is made in his image.
Any husband who does not love his wife as he should not only harms and abuses her, he also harms himself. But a husband who loves his wife as he should, who supports her and builds her up, not only helps her, but he also helps himself by enabling her to be a better complement and as her helper.
Any wife who does not respect her husband or who refuses to submit to his loving authority justly fails in her role as his Ezar and helper and hurts them both. She fails to help him when he needs it most, failing to correct him and redirect him to obey the righteous model of Christ.
By failing in her role to help, she risks him failing even worse, just as Eve’s failure to submit to Adam’s instruction helped lead to Adam’s greater failure. But together through love and submission, the marital union is strengthened such that the whole family benefits, a benefit that then expands into their community.
Working together as complements, we perform humanity’s purpose of dominion in the world and rightly tend it and keep it for the good of all humanity and all creation.
Next, turning our attention to children. This is something that applies to each and every one of us, even those who may never become parents because we are each children of our parents. As Christians, we are called to be both disciples and disciple-makers. And we may yet still be spiritual fathers and mothers in the faith to those we meet.
So children are instructed to obey your parents in the Lord. This includes your biological parents, your spiritual mentors, your Sunday school teachers, and church elders. And we obey them because we are commanded by God’s moral law to honor your father and mother that it may go well with you and you may live long in the land.
And we honor our fathers and mothers for our good benefit. We honor, obey, and respectfully submit to them because they are responsible to avad for and shamar for us. And then when we’re older, we also honor them by caring for them in their agedness. We will each be judged and held accountable for this, our obedience of honoring them.
Meanwhile, fathers are the ones expressly commanded to bring up their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. But this responsibility is best fulfilled when shared between both parents, with the mother as the father’s helper.
But ultimately it is the father who is accountable for this duty as the spiritual head of the house. Not only are parents instructed to raise their children right and properly by teaching them everything they need to know for living a good and moral life, they are also to raise them up in the faith.
It is the solemn responsibility of Christian parents to raise their children in the expectation that they will also respond positively to the Holy Spirit’s call and follow Jesus. Parents should be their child’s first Bible teacher. They should model a good Christian way of life and encourage their children to likewise follow Jesus.
But parents cannot succeed at this task alone. And that’s part of why we have the church, a community of believers to help raise children in the faith. Because wise counselors are needed. Trusted friends, teachers, and advisors are needed.
Whenever a child is presented for the sacrament of baptism and brought into this community, two consequential questions are asked of both the parents and the congregation.
‘Do you now unreservedly dedicate your child to God and promise in humble reliance upon divine grace that you will endeavor to set before them a godly example, that you will pray with and for them, that you will teach them the doctrines of our holy religion, and that you will strive by all the means of God’s appointment to bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord?’
And the second question, ‘Do you as a congregation undertake the responsibility of assisting the parents in the Christian nurture of this child?’
See, we baptize children in the covenant of grace because God intends them to be included in the whole church, as Peter reminded the crowd on Pentecost. For the promise is for you and for your children and for all who are far off, everyone whom the Lord our God calls to himself.
Children who are still learning are members in the fellowship of Christ. They may rightfully participate and enjoy this benefit of being in the community of faith.
So understanding that we were originally created to be in community with one another, what relational obligations has God placed on us through the covenant of works to help us live together in a way that honors him and obeys his word and intent? Because it is not good for us to be alone. We are encouraged to gather into communities, and these groups can serve different purposes and may work together towards short-term goals.
But the greatest and most important community group is the family formed by the covenant bond of marriage. Our human need for relationship and community echoes the presence of relationship and community within the Godhead. It is not good for man to be alone because God is, himself, not alone. God is in a community of persons: father, son, and holy spirit. Each one uniquely relating to the other two.
And like God, we need to be in a relationship with someone equal to ourselves socially, physically, and mentally. Because since no animal could satisfy Adam’s need, the Lord created Eve as a helper for him. But Eve was created like Adam, but not identically. Our physical and mental differences are not challenges intended to be overcome or equalized but are purposeful and good.
They are worth celebrating and appreciating. Men and women are both better and worse than the other in different ways by divine intention and not as a sinful flaw. And as similar as Adam and Eve were, they were not identical, nor were they complete. God removed a rib from Adam’s side to create Eve.
So, she possessed what he lacked, and she was missing what he could only provide. Therefore, they were made perfect complements to the other. So, men and women are only whole when we are united.
How may we faithfully respond to God’s redeeming and restorative mercy given by his covenant of grace in all of our family relationships through the finished work of Jesus and the regenerating power of his holy spirit?
All the many different relationships of Christians should more closely reflect the divine intention, but especially those within the family as part of our response to God’s grace. Since the curse for sin of conflict and strife between the sexes has been redeemed and undone, contrariness and domineering authority of control should no longer typify our relationships.
Husbands should properly love their wives. Wives should gladly respect and submit to their husbands. A godly husband and wife will work for their mutual support and encouragement for the overall benefit and improvement of their family.
Children belonging to a godly family will be raised well. They will be disciplined for right living and will be discipled in the faith. They will be welcomed into the covenant family of God, where they will be loved and will learn how to rightly love others. They will be trained in the ways of righteousness and godliness.
They will learn how to read and understand scripture for themselves. They will be taught how to be faithful and taught to become eventually disciple-makers. They will have the opportunity to learn what they need to know so that when they hear the Holy Spirit’s call on their life, they will respond with obedient faith.
Lastly, how may we faithfully respond to God’s mercy given by the covenant of grace in our relationships with people outside the church? Since the divine design of the family relationship is a visible and tangible expression of the relationship between Jesus and the church, godly families should bear witness to that relationship accurately.
Our obedient activity in response to God’s grace serves as a positive example to be followed and as a means through which worldly deviance convicts itself of its own sinfulness and disobedience through the faithful witness of a godly family. People will either follow the light of Christ that has shown forth or they will flee from the light and seek refuge out in the distant darkness.
Therefore, let us each love God through faithful obedience by ordering all of our relationships, but especially our family relationships according to the divine example.
Let our obedience be honoring to our heavenly father so that life may go well for us. Let us each love one another and all of our neighbors by working together as complements for the good of our families, our church community, and for God’s creation.
Husbands, love your wife as Christ loved the church. Live for her good. Work for her benefit. Guard and protect her. Sacrifice your needs and wants to see that hers are met and satisfied. Her care and well-being are your responsibility while loving her is your privilege.
Wives, respect and submit to your husband as the church submits to Christ. Honor him as he loves you. Submit to him as he loves you. Help him. Support and encourage him as he loves you. Complete him and make him into the best version of himself. Let him complete you and make you your best self.
Parents, raise your children well for life and in the faith. Children, honor and obey your parents because it’s in your own best interest.
And finally, let us each live in such a way that the world notices and acknowledges that the way of faith in Jesus Christ is the best and only way to life. Amen.